Our words need grace

I spoke to someone who had been “dealt” a widow card. Her husband was no longer in the picture. I had that experience, more than a decade ago now, but I still remember some things from a similar conversation.

This post is only about grace. There’s no condemnation in it. The words that we speak can be unwise if they aren’t covered with grace.

Almost every human interaction meets that criteria at some point, or several moments over time in the relationship.

Today’s conversation really started the day of the funeral. Funerals are confusing things, with traditional protocol sometimes and sometimes not. They are also confusing for the people in front of the family, never knowing what, if anything, to say.

At this funeral, friends of her husband wanted to honor him by helping the widow with jobs that would need to be done that her husband could no longer do. That is a noble thing.

And in the middle of her grief, not remembering half of what she heard that day, the widow remembered the man who said, “If you ever need help, it would be my honor to help you in those things he would have done.”

There’s a thing about funeral home promises. They have short shelf lives. That is not intentional. It is the reaction to the confusion and the loss. It is well-meant. It is kindness.

The widow believed that meant “forever”. She grabbed onto that statement like a lifeboat.

And months later when there had never been a follow-up, there was an opportunity for the enemy to attach itself to her mind and she became hurt and offended.

After a while, that offense turned bitter. And when she saw the man who had made the statement, there was a dislike where there had never been one before.

She is cold toward him and thinks he is clueless as to why. I believe she was right. Because he doesn’t remember what he said.

He needs grace and forgiveness for speaking without considering the impact of the words he spoke “at the moment.”

It’s not easy to tell someone who is hurting that unforgiveness hurts them. But, perhaps there’s no better time. Because she has grief mixed with offense, she is struggling to move forward.

When we go to the courts of God with supplication, I’m being taught by the Holy Spirit that I also must include asking for a heart and mind change for the people in the situation. The Holy Spirit has to be the voice of grace in every situation.

It is impossible to look to a loving God with strife in a wounded heart.

A more reasonable, and still thoughtful statement may have been for the man to say, “After you’ve had a chance to rest, call me in the next week or so if there’s anything I can help with.” because his kind intention couldn’t become a lifetime commitment, but that’s how it was perceived. Grace comes when we think before we speak.

Forgiveness is freeing. It is a choice that honors God. Will everyone make it? That would be amazing!

Let’s ask the Holy Spirit to speak through us when we are in situations where we have no idea what to say. Because He knows.