Moses was THAT guy. That one guy who came into the world at an ugly time, got discovered by a princess, raised in a palace of the man who had given the order to have all those babies killed. God had a plan for Moses. Moses thought he knew it. Decided to do something to make God’s plan happen. Blew it. Big time. Ran for his life. Ran away from God for forty years and was making his way through the desert where he was hiding out taking care of sheep. Going his own way, leaving God alone and learning about just how big a mistake he had made. Me and Moses, both knowing that surely God had found someone else more qualified to do what He had wanted us to do. I look back, and I understand that Moses. In another dimension, in another time…I walked that desert. Yes, if Moses heard my story of my three decades of mess ups, I think he would have nodded. He would understand me.
Moses wasn’t the only one who had a misguided opinion of how God thinks. While Moses was born a Hebrew baby brought up in the palace of an Egyptian, I was a Christian “baby” brought up in the house of religion. Strict religion. Unkind religion. The kind of religion that tells a person God loves them unconditionally and then after the altar call, those same people tell that new baby how unworthy they are, the rules they have to live by, and God’s wrath when they mess up. They present the schizophrenic God who may put sickness on you or your children to teach you to walk the straight and narrow, your car may break down because you didn’t tithe, but somehow it’s very important that you accept that God does all this because He loves you. It’s no wonder the shame and the guilt caused Moses and me to keep walking. We’re not the only ones….
But Moses saw a bush. Nothing unusual about a bush burning in the desert. But there was something about that bush. It just kept on burning. Something about that moment made Moses turn aside. Then God spoke to Moses. I’m not sure Moses was expecting God to speak to Him, otherwise God wouldn’t have had to tell Moses to take his shoes off. Had Moses thought he was going to hear God, he would have taken them off himself. I understand this.
So God spoke and Moses freaked. No matter how much time had passed, Moses was still sure his past mistakes meant that he was unqualified. The pain of the past shame of “blowing it” sticks like springtime pollen to a windshield. Moses was still carrying that around, still putting his self-assessment above God’s intentions. I nod at that one, too.
About midnight, in October of 2001, a month after my sense of security, along with millions of other Americans, was shattered in a terrorist attack, I stood on a porch in Louisville, KY. I had less than $50 and a 5 year old. I was moving rapidly toward my fifth decade and although trained with a good resume, I couldn’t find a job. As I looked up at the sky, I saw brilliant stars in abundance, something not easily seen on a porch in downtown Louisville. And for the first time in decades, I approached God. “What am I going to do now?” I asked Him.
Here’s where Moses and I took a little different path. At that moment, I was so shocked by what I heard in my heart that I couldn’t question. I heard God’s answer and it didn’t dawn on me until later that I wasn’t qualified. I heard Him say, “You will tell women how much I love them” and I simply said, “Okay, but what am I going to do NOW?”
Within 24 hours I was settled in what has now been my home for nearly 2 decades. I was working within a week after that. And it was then I realized, God didn’t criticize me. Once I asked Him to get involved, He didn’t tell me I was unworthy because I had walked away and lived independent of Him. He simply told me to tell women how much He loves them. And moved into His chosen role as Provider.
And in that commission, part of the “Great” one, was the answer to my own struggles. In order to tell women how much God loves them, I had to first learn it for myself. Daily I ask Him, “Show me more. Show me more of the largeness that is You. Show me what that greatness of power looks like. I accept those things you are able to do that is exceedingly, abundantly more than I can ask or think according to Your power at work in me. Show me what God in me looks like. Show me how much You love me.”
Here’s where I am now. I’m looking back at Moses’ life as I look forward in mine. I’m not planning on hitting any rocks. My acceptance of Jesus has assured I won’t miss the promised land, and my days aren’t nearly as frustrating as Moses’, because I don’t have millions of God’s people looking to me for direction. I do want to have the glowing face experience, I think. The Holy Spirit now lives in me, so hopefully I’m glowing from the inside out.
But, on the other hand, I’m not going to climb a mountain on my last day here. Modern technology has softened us, but I do plan to meet God in the high places and tell women how much He loves them in the low.
And some day, I plan on giving Moses a high five and saying, “We made it” and look down and see that we are both without shoes…on Holy ground.
For His Glory 